


As If! The Mighty Boosh 90's AU No One Asked For

by BobSkeleton



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: 90s AU, Gen, M/M, gratuitous 90s nostalgia, i should have gotten a commission for all this product placement, the Nabootique sells pogs, there is no plot here whatsoever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-06 05:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19056238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BobSkeleton/pseuds/BobSkeleton
Summary: This nauseatingly 90's fic was the late-night brain child of a bunch of us on Discord. No plot, just gratuitous mentions of products I had and wish they still made. I'd call it crack but it's not even that good.





	As If! The Mighty Boosh 90's AU No One Asked For

**Author's Note:**

> This doesn't take place in a specific year. It's an amalgamation of all the stuff I remember from the 90's. I'm sure the 90's were different in London, but I wasn't there. 
> 
> Also this terrible girl at my school had all her Tamagotchis clipped onto a velvet scrunchie which she wore, sagging and beeping and all, around her wrist. So thanks, Rosie, for that idea.

Vince arranged his frosted tips meticulously, making sure each was sculpted just so for maximum height. He adjusted his stretchy tattoo-inspired choker, making sure it was the right way around before slipping on an artfully bleach-stained denim jacket over his Spice Girls t-shirt. His black and white geometric-printed Hammer pants were tucked into neon-colored platform sneakers. “Rad,” he whispered to his reflection in the mirror. He winked at his Beanie Baby collection on the way out of the poster-bedecked bedroom. 

 

As he poured milk over his Waffle Crisp cereal, Naboo poked his head out from behind his beaded curtains. 

 

“Remember to open the shop on time,” he said, deadpan as always. 

 

“Alright,” said Vince, rolling his eyes. “I’m up, aren’t I? Wait a minute, Naboo. Whatcha wearing?”

 

The tiny Shaman stepped out into the kitchen, dressed head to toe in denim. 

 

“The Canadian tuxedo?! That is  _ mint,”  _ exclaimed Vince, nodding as he took in his landlord’s outfit. Naboo looked unimpressed and with a swish of beads had vanished again. Vince finished his breakfast and went down to open the shop, but not before grabbing the velvet scrunchie onto which his Tamagotchi collection was carefully clipped. He slid it on his wrist and descended the stairs into the shop. 

 

He clicked on the radio via his yellow Sony boombox, hoping for the Spice Girls, but was pleased enough when Will Smith came on. He mouthed along to “Gettin’ Jiggy With It” as he set about opening up the shop. 

 

Before too long, his roommate and boyfriend, Howard, walked in from his morning jazzercise class. 

 

“Alright, Howard?” Vince asked as he flipped through the latest issue of  _ Sassy.  _

 

“Good morning, Vince!” Howard wore neon green leggings and a white Tommy Hilfiger crew neck sweatshirt which Vince was sure covered his leotard. The sweatbands were a bit much, but the overall effect was, Vince decided, adorable. “Give me a minute to shower and get changed, I’ll be right back,” he said, scatting as he went. Vince rolled his eyes, but he loved that jazzy freak.

 

Within the hour, Howard returned smelling fresh and clean, like CK One. He wore his usual high-waisted, pleated front khaki dad pants complete with woven leather belt, a plain white t-shirt tucked in, and a short-sleeved plaid shirt over it. A denim bucket hat and white Velcro sneakers completed the ensemble. Vince wanted to throw up a little bit, but Howard came bearing Snapple, so how could he be angry?

 

“Good morning so far, Vince?” Howard inquired. 

 

“Been alright, yeah. Slow going.” 

 

“What are you working on?”

 

“My celeb-radar. I really hope I can get Leo DiCaprio or Baby Spice, that’d be well cool.” 

 

The day passed slowly, with very few customers. Howard rearranged his jazz cassettes and VHS tapes in such a way that they looked tempting to customers. Stationery Village was vastly improved with the addition of the Lisa Frank value pack he’d managed to pick up (so bright and colorful!). He’d even gotten a Trapper Keeper which was perfect for filing away papers. Lastly, he made sure the trays of pogs and slammers were arranged to look as alluring as possible. Even though they were a simple child’s game, Naboo got fussy over them, claiming they had unknown magical properties. 

 

At lunch, the pair enjoyed a repast of Lunchables and Dunkaroos while Vince went to change into his afternoon clothes. This consisted of a grunge outfit, complete with distressed jeans, a Nirvana t-shirt, and plaid flannel over the top. He and Howard managed to sell the set of inflatable furniture and a lava lamp that afternoon, but not much else happened. At 5, they closed the shop and met Bollo and Naboo coming down the stairs. Naboo was checking his pager as he let them know that they were headed out to DJ a rave. Both wore copious amounts of body glitter and candy necklaces. 

 

Vince and Howard watched Full House, ate their dinner, and got into an argument when Vince’s beeping Tamagotchis disrupted Howard from reading  _ The English Patient _ . Vince sulked off to their room to read  _ Goosebumps  _ or play on the Super Nintendo, but then he had a better idea. 

 

Howard was deep into his book when out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of yellow plaid. Sighing, he deigned to ask, “Vince, what are you doing?”

 

“Look, Howard.” 

 

Howard looked up and saw Vince dressed  _ exactly  _ as that girl from that stupid movie: yellow plaid mini skirt and matching blazer, thigh high white socks, and platform Mary Janes. He’d even put his hair in little bunches atop his head. 

 

“This is better’n that book, innit Howard?” he asked, twirling his hair around his finger. Howard gulped. This was  _ indeed  _ better. 

* * *

 

Two hours later, well sated, they lay in bed together beneath their primary colored dinosaur-print bedspread, taking turns reading  _ Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark  _ and giggling and kissing each other to sleep. 


End file.
